Leaving Facebook

I am leaving facebook. It’s not really about the social network itself, in fact, I think online social networks are a wonderfully valuable tool in so many ways. However, this is a personal statement about how I feel about what is happening in my life right now and how facebook has become an epicenter of resembling all of those qualities which I am trying to overcome.

First of all, the meaning of relationships in my life is very important to me. I value the physical presence of people and I value the effort that it takes to stay in touch with those you choose to connect with. I value the present moment and how it means more than any facebook picture can replicate. I feel that because I have spent so much of the last several years (almost half?) of my life exploring online socialization, I have lost a lot of these values that I hold dear to being human. And it’s gotten worse over the years! It’s not as though facebook takes away from personal relationships that I've already cultivated, but it does take a lot of energy and place it into a medium that is about expressing myself in images and snapshots of time, and blasting it out to several hundred people, many of whom probably wouldn't make the reciprical effort to be a part of my life.

My other intention is to take that energy out of capturing life in snapshots, and place it into capturing life in real time. Deepening the meaning of truly being in an experience rather than how it can be told as a story of ‘who you are’

I suppose you could look at Facebook as a form of art…an art in expressing yourself to the public, an art in engaging followers, an art of collecting connections; however you want to look at it, it’s an expression of a person. And I am all for self-expression and art. That's probably one reason why I Love it and have let it get this deep. I also think you could say facebook is an experience in itself. However, my feeling is that it has become a very shallow experience which I am adapting to, more and more, rather than seeking more fulfilling depth.

The art form I am looking to express is the art of living in the present moment, expressing my true essence through each handshake, each conversation, and each manifestation of the universe that I am personally interacting with. I want these experiences to cultivate as they are in the present, so that I can learn to trust my intuition, tap into knowing that the present will only manifest into what it can possibly become through experience. It’s an effort that is about acting and reacting to what is now, to flow into what is reflected and projected into what is to become. This is in contrast to the intention of planning how I 'wish' to 'portray' myself...or trying to judge what 'appears' to be rather than what is present.

This is not me placing a value judgment on facebook or those who utilize it. Just about everyone I know is on there, and believe me, I truly understand the social utility that I will be missing out on! This is about what facebook has become to me. In fact, given that I do all of my work from a computer, and I work in social media, it has probably become more entrenched for me than for others. It's become so close to home that I feel it has slowly crept into my social DNA and blood. This blood has begun to feel uncomfortable, as though it’s effecting my motivation, my space, and my time in ways that don’t feel healthy , natural, and in essence, feed only my ego. So I’d like to extricate myself from this experience for some time, to see how I might grow without it.

That's all :)

I'm in Berkeley California

It's been quite a while since I last visited this blog...I think I decided to stop blogging because I didn't want to share so much of myself with the world at large. I have once again come to that realization, but now it's in relation to Facebook.

I just went back and re-read my blog posts from the stage of life when I was living in Austin, TX - and I find it fascinating how my way of thinking has matured so much since I wrote all of those blog posts. I'm stil totally in line with a lot of the underarching themes of those blog posts...but I can hear my younger voice and it's cool to notice the growth. I even think the same when I look at the headline quote I chose "if you don't know where you are going..." I still like the quote, so I will keep it. But I definitely am a bit more clear on where I am going, and have every intention of choosing roads more deliberately.

Now that I have moved to Berkeley, CA, my biggest focus is to try to live in the moment, to see things as they are according to the clarity of communication between my heart and mind, and to eliminate the influence that my ego has over the decisions I make and the way I project myself to the world. Yes, a tall order! But I've been fascinated by the idea of Ohm (symbol above)...arriving upon a state of conciousness that eliminates the barrier of the ego and emerges as 'truyia' or your true self. This fascination began in the 24 hour Starbucks in Old Town, Chicago, when a random friend I met there explained the meaning of the symbol to me on the back of a napkin. It just so happened this was at that time of my life I was preparing to go to India for the summer, and also months before the big move to Austin was going to take place.

Now, here I am preparing to go abroad for my first trip to Europe in a few weeks, and thinking about states of consciousness again.

I love traveling because it's always going to wake you up to a new state of consciousness when you are placed in a foreign enviornment, outside of what you experience day to day. So I would like to go into this trip, fully aware that I have every intention to experience it moment by moment, fully present. I think I can do that.

I also just moved to Berkeley and just turned 25. So, I'm consciously entering into a stage of life filled with strong intention. To understand why I take each action I take, and how it relates as an expression of what I want to manifest.

I'm about to make a radical decision to help with this awarenss process...which I will share in the coming days.

Halley's Comet

My friend Alberto shared this with me. Pictures are worth a thousand words. What it makes me think about is the vastness of the universe, how small we are when placed in the context of ions and ions of existence, and most importantly - how fast life can pass us by. So embrace every moment you have, you've only got one life...make the most of it!

I've been Austinized

Yes, I must admit - I am falling in love with this city. But people...do NOT move here!! (we want to keep it this way forever!) Yup - that's the love of the local attitude here, and it works. Check out one of the reasons why below...and also see some friends in their rockin Chili cook-off!!

My life mission

I'm taking this marketing plan class @ NYU this summer, and last week we talked about mission statements. Our assignment this week was to write up a life mission statement. I'm sure it will change over time, but here is what I came up with today!


My mission for life is to continually keep an open and optimistic mind, learn something from each new life experience, always try my best, try to leave an impression on each person I meet, respect mankind, strive for a sense of balance, give back to those who have given to me, avoid mediocrity, seek new and exciting challenges, continually grow and expand my network, find a person to spend the rest of my life with, find a place where I want to settle down, own a profitable business or have a successful career which will finance my life endeavors, experience and understand true happiness from my perspective, and help others when I can.


That's one long run-on sentence.

Conquering the Big Apple

It’s only so often that I am inspired to write something worthwhile on this blog. Life is always a trip – but not always worth writing about. In fact, this past week has been one long crappy trip. I had a bunch of my possessions stolen from my storage locker, I broke a sideview mirror on my car by backing into a pole, and I injured a muscle in my leg during Yoga. My mom always told me bad things happen in threes, and then there’s also another one of her life proverb: “the sky is always darkest before the dawn.” I love that quote because it’s a physical truth - and you can’t really deny it. Plus it never fails to apply to my life. Before I left for Austin – we had a bedbug problem in the Chicago apartment, and I couldn’t stand one more night sleeping there with the psychological pain that I was itching every night I laid down for bed. When I arrived in Austin, sure enough a stream of wonderful happenings occurred in my life. And once again, The Sky is always darkest before the dawn is re-occuring. I arrived here in the East Village of New York City just yesterday, after one of the worst weeks of my life, and I fell in love with this town.

(Below: My street, entrance to my apartment)

I haven’t felt such a passion for a long time. Austin is filled with simple joys in life - sunny days, beautiful trails, smiling people, and a sense of contentment that is very difficult to find in many other places in this world. Yet, New York City fills me up with a different sense of joy. A joy which I find from the crowded streets of wonder. I wonder where each person I see comes from and where they are going? I wonder if their ancestors traveled thousands of miles across seas hundreds of years ago to settle here in the land of freedom. I wonder if that child zooming by on his tiny sized neon bike has parents at home worried about if he is getting lost in the streets of New York City. I wonder if that that old lady struggling to cross the street with her cane has lived to see this city transform through generations of evolution? I wonder how many of these strangers are having a meeting today which will impact the rest of their lives? And then I also wonder where the nearest yoga studio is so I can take shelter from the craziness that the bustling streets of this city bring to the world that is now mine.

(Below just a few shots of all the people watching)

I wonder and I wander. The streets of East Village. It has been an amazing past 24 hours. I sit here in B cup – a coffee shop with free wi-fi only blocks from my home on E. 3rd Street and Avenue B. The day is winding down, the sky is getting darker, and I am reflecting on all that I took in on this day. My journey began with a destination – Laughing Lotus. A yoga studio recommended to me by my Austin friend Wendy who lived in NYC for many years. I knew I had to get to 16th Street and 6th Avenue, I just didn’t know how I was going to get there. Since this area is mostly a grid, I figured I would venture out and find my way. On the way to Laughing Lotus – my first stop was for a warm coffee. The day turned out to be a bit cooler than I would have imagined. A brisk fifty five degree windy NYC day…nothing like the 95 degree days I had been living back in Austin. I had a choice between Starbucks and MUD coffee: gourmet coffee made in an orange truck parked on the street. Can you guess which I chose? The barista was a bit hung over, but he was really friendly, and he told me that he has an ‘agreement’ with the cops to let him park his coffee shop on the busy street. Free coffee for illegal parking and soliciting. Works for New York City!

(Below: MUD coffee, Laughing Lotus Yoga)

I walked and drank my coffee, trying to balance my yoga mat in my backpack which didn’t zip all the way, and hold my camera on my other wrist so I could snap a photo here and there. The wind had no mercy for a poor girl with all her belongings and hands full, before I could even sneeze from the smoggy air which I felt drifting into my nose, a few drips of coffee had made their way onto the white DePaul hoodie I was wearing. Oh city life…walking down the streets trying to stay warm and balance all of your belongings without bumping into someone or stepping in a puddle, it never fails that your coffee is going to spill. But that stain was reason for me to later stop into OldNavy and buy the zip-up hoodie I had been wanting for a while.

I finally got to the yoga studio, and it was just what I had imagined. The class I took was somewhat difficult, but I was able to breathe out all of the negativity from this past week, and breathe in the life that New York was offering me. When I left Laughing Lotus, I felt relaxed and excited all at once – a feeling of balance which is necessarily difficult to accomplish. Usually one feeling or the other takes over. So I figure this is going to be my quest for the next two months. I figure the newness and endless possibility will keep me excited, but can I add that into an equation with my job, taking a business class at NYU, living in very small headquarters, not having another shoulder to lean on, and still come out with a sense of equilibrium?

Having my possessions stolen last week made me more aware that at any moment everything you have can be wiped away in a split second by an unfortunate fateful occurrence. Which is why you have to make the most of this life, and squeeze every ounce of enjoyment from it that you can. And that is what I have come to New York City for!

I can already feel another dawn breaking :)

Oh...and how in the world can one avacado cost $2.50?!! Looks like no avacado on my sandwiches for a couple of months.

(Below: B Cup Coffee- Where I wrote this entry, and where you will probably find me spending much of time for the next 2 months)

The New UM Album

The new Umphrey's McGee album rocks!


Mantis